turn around (every now and then i get a little bit...)

there ought to be a disclaimer on the human mind: "subject to change without warning."

and as the mind is such a powerful and influential thing (haven't you heard THE SECRET?), when it makes one of those spontaneous 180-degree turnarounds and wanders off in a direction previously unexplored, it tends to drag with it the life of the human attached.

i'm not complaining though.

maybe it's not the mind that goes first. it's a real chicken vs. egg conundrum in which i'm tangling myself here, but bear with me. what's the inciting factor? obviously something has to happen to give the mind new information on which to base opinions and decisions; something outside the control of the individual. the mind receives new information, takes it into account, and makes judgements with consideration (one hopes) of every variable. stagnation occurs when the mind isn't receiving enough new information. then, the individual becomes restless and bored and frustrated and does things like move to new york city and live in basements with crazy women. because the individual is starving for mental stimulation.

so i guess we just go where the mental stimulation is. wherever that may be at any given moment. and i guess i always go back to nyc when things get slow because it's an easy way to make shit, any kinda shit, happen.

i'm a giant douchebag, or, why i'm blogging in starbucks

yesterday my crazy roommate told me to be out within the month. she was pissed because i let my cousin sleep over rather than spend the night on a bench in tompkins square park. she claims it's an issue of privacy and went on and on about how she doesn't want strangers over because the place is such a mess. god forbid people think she's a slob! of course the real reason is that she's not supposed to be renting out the space, and i'm not sure she's even supposed to be living there herself; might be the super's dirty little secret. but still, is that not ridic? i mean he's not really my cousin and we could have just stayed at phil's, but she has no way of knowing that and still she read me the riot act. bitch. so i guess i'm transitory again. c'est la whatever. seems to be what i'm good at so what the hell.

so this morning i threw gideon in my backpack, dropped off my laundry at the place across the street, and went to whole foods. got some of the usual rabbit food and a snickerdoodle and went up to utilize what i thought was free wifi; turns out it's like 5 bucks an hour so gid went unused. but on the bright side, the snickerdoodle was delicious and this adorable little kid accidentally hit me with an umbrella. i've been all about kids lately and his babysitter/big brother/possible uncle was a cutie so whatevs.

big brother: you don't play with your umbrella in front of other people! you keep your umbrella to yourself!
me: words to live by.
big brother: (gets all shy and nervous) haha you have no idea.

then he made cute little kid apologize to me, which he did ("sowwy") and i was like "that's ok!" and all was happy.

i scooted shortly after they did because the wifi was kind of a big draw and the longer i stayed the more i wanted another cookie. plus this creepy dude was staring at me.

when i got back, crazy roomie was home. i've taken up speaking to her in one- to three-word sentences; not actually nasty but very very curt. i set up gideon and proceeded to try to get internet, always a big maybe in that place.

her: are you getting internet?
me: no.
her: no, huh? if it doesn't work there, you could go to starbucks. it's really close.
me: it's not free.

long silence.

eventually i gave up and packed up gideon again and headed wordlessly for the door.

her: (as i'm leaving) are you working tonight, kate? (she thinks my name is kate.)
me: yup.
her: oh, because i blah blah
(i leave.)

actually that one was a little harsher than i meant it to be, especially as i punctuated it with an unintentional slam of the front door (i was carrying a lot of shit).

i did go to starbucks. it's actually wicked cheap here so whatever. i'm glad i didn't cave at whole foods. crazy roomie keeps texting me. and that's where i'm at.

on the plus side, i slept great last night.

wow this was such a horrible update.