the seinfeld of blogs

Saturday, February 13, 2010

86 the shepherd's pie



i wait tables at this terrible restaurant which is run by very well-meaning people who should not be running a restaurant. i'm getting pretty good at going up to people whose orders i've just taken and saying "so it turns out we're out of such-and-such a thing that you ordered, would you like to try thus-and-so instead?" or sometimes i mix it up and say "did you have a second choice?" i should start composing haiku...

i asked the kitchen
they said you are SOL
something else look good?

this used to embarrass me horribly when i worked at a real restaurant. i used to get horribly embarrassed a lot when i worked at a real restaurant, actually, and more often than not over things that weren't my fault at all; i just felt so dreadful when something would go wrong, i mean who can afford to go out to dinner too often these days so if something gets messed up then i've ruined your nice special evening out etc etc etc... and of course most people are dicks about it anyway, which doesn't help.

if i ran a restaurant, i would empower my employees. i would allow, nay, encourage my servers to behave like the staff at urban outfitters. customers would have to chase them down to have their orders taken. any belligerence would be received with the cold stare of a young, attractive service industry employee who knows he or she is not going to lose his or her job, and also that he or she is young and attractive.

i imagine we'd be open for three months, tops, but oh what a liberating three months.

also large headphones would be perfectly acceptable work attire.

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